I'm waiting for the second trimester glowing stage to kick in... but its not. I'm now 18 weeks and instead of feeling all blooming and radiant I am feeling crappy... all.day.long.
I am not going to bore you with the details - hey, I try not to bore anyone with the details* - but suffice to say I am looking forward to moving beyond the nausea and exhaustion and feeling human again.
This time round things have felt so intense on the physical side that I sometimes forget there will be a baby at the end of it. Its as if all my energy is on trying to keep going and on being with my children and taking care of my home and then in a spare moment I will suddenly spy a baby on a blog or look in my knitting basket at my projects and go "Oh yeah. I'm having a baby!". How amazing!
It is hard to imagine that come the end of October there will be another tiny person in this family. I am so excited, and not at all anxious about how i will pan out, even though i know it won't all be plain sailing. Right now Ezra still seems very young. He talks in telegraphese "Mummy no touch. Ezra do it self!" and though he adores babies (really adores them) he also cheekily says "Mummy baby tummy. Ezra push baby over" and looks to me with a grin for my reaction. In reality he does push some toddlers over or hug to the ground, in a kind of cuddly playful way, but babies he is ever so gentle with. The last one we saw he kissed her toes! He is such a sweet and joyful soul truly. So though I know some things will be hard on him, like sharing Mummy even further, I also know he will be a wonderful big brother. Can that be true... Ezra a big brother?! Its moments like that when I realise how much he is still my baby. But, you know he can still be my baby, for as long as he needs. Having two "babies" is just fine by me.
I'm off to try and drink water before bed and get an early night, but thank you for reading my pregnancy ramblings. Night xx
*apologies to those I have bored (burdened?) with the details which of course include my hubby, children and besties.