Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Soul food

Being by the sea felt good for me, restorative. I savoured the feeling
of wet sand beneath my feet, and the quiet calmness of it all. The
flow of the waves and tides brought me peace.

Windswept Ezra

A quiet moment for Ezra

Mini golfer

Ezra and Phoebe enjoyed playing mini golf on Hastings sea front.
Phoebe understands how to play and Ezra enjoys following his sister
about and waving a long stick!

Sharing a book

Me and my girl

"I wanna play pirate adventure mini golf!"

Walking along the front

Ezra at Hastings

Phoebe and Daddy

Ezra and Daddy

"I can see the sea!"

First glimpse of Hastings sea front.

Phoebe in her sleeping bag

Snug as a bug in a rug

Friday, 26 August 2011

Putting up the tent

We are camping for a few days near Hastings. Having a great time so
far. The children were very helpful when we put up the tent.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Playing with Grampy and B

Jester

Ezra and Charlie

At the park

Exploring

More hooping

Plate spinning

All our children learning

Ezra diablo-ing

Ez

Poi

More poi

Hooping

Ezra at circus skills workshop

Big stilts!

These were really tricky to even get up on!

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Diablo

Stilts

Circus Skills Workshop

We found a free circus skills workshop in the park yesterday afternoon
and had lots of fun trying things out!

Natey Noodle

Charlie's baby brother enjoying the slide.

Playing with Charlie

We are visiting Nanny and Grandad briefly and yesterday we spent the
day with Charlie and Nate and their Mummy, Sam. It was fun!

Monday, 22 August 2011

Today I...

Got up and dressed
Breakfasted
Fed next door's cat
Played in garden
Made cards
Unloaded dishwasher
Put clothes away
Tidied Phoebe's room
Tidied our room
Emailed our homeopath
Arranged a playdate for tomorrow
Put washing on
Emptied vegbox
Made snack and drink
Read books
Pegged washing
Put another load on
Played on swings
Cut out footprints
Talked to Sam on whatsapp
Supported Ezra in being nappy free
Read more books
Made lunch
Cleared up
Paid windowcleaner
Pegged more washing
Played in garden
Offered Ezra a nap - declined
Read more books
Spoke to my mum on the phone
Made music
Cooked dinner
Got in washing
Tidied the days debris away
Ate with my family
Put Ezra to bed, then Phoebe
Tidied more
Replied to emails
Settled waking child
Started packing for holiday

Sometimes it helps to write it all down and know I am achieving each
day!

Saturday, 20 August 2011

Lego fun

We just bought a lot of Lego from our local charity shop and Ezra has
really enjoyed playing with it, even though it's teeny tiny! His
favourite game is taking the little people's helmets off, or the
visors off the helmet and saying "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Phoebe painting

Phoebe painted with water to make a picture of Stanwick Lakes.

"cheeee(s)e!"

Dolly dress as headwear

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Playing with Friends

This is a picture from yesterday of Phoebe playing with her new
friend. She had a great time, and so did I. Ezra also got through the
afternoon with no grabbing or poking or shoving. Yay! Lol. It's
affectionate but still frustrating. I guess maybe he has been
reserving that show of affection for his friend the mancub? ;) Perhaps
he will treat his little playmate with more gentleness next time?
Maybe he's over it? I guess that's just wishful thinking. We'll see.
Anyway there were many games here - mummies and little girls being the
favourite I think. A lovely afternoon. :)

Overwhelmed

Today I feel overwhelmed. I don't even know if I can find energy to
write. I am really feeling now we are getting nowhere. I want to
decorate and declutter. I need to regain some sense of order upstairs.
Phoebe and Ezra really need their own room. But we seem too busy and
too tired to get anything done.

I have no breaks from my children. They are with me 24/7 - apart from
the odd occasion Russ is able to take them out without me. I love them
to bits but it's just so intense! For them as well. They are not used
to being with anyone else. So the concept of being left with someone,
even just for half an hour, is alien to them. I guess that's what
comes from living far apart from family (and being a SAHM) though. I
do feel at this point they could do with stretching their wings a bit
but have no idea how to facilitate that.

The children are also sleeping badly again - Ezra has a cough at night
and Phoebe has an eczema flare up. I am thinking of cutting out dairy
to see if that helps. I am getting very little sleep (my eyes sting)
and am bfeeding alot! There is so much more to this but I don't want
to discuss all the details here. Just to say I feel exhausted and run
down.

I am feeling like a failing mummy at the moment, because I don't have
the time or energy to make things for my children, or with them, or to
take them places. I don't drive and most things are at least two buses
away. I actually want to be able to drive but am pretty phobic about
it, and I don't feel I can handle it on top of the other stuff we are
dealing with. I have been cooking with a two ring portable electric
hob and only tiny weeny top oven for nearly a year now! Our lounge is
finally just about done but we are now waiting for our builder to
visit to discuss phase two - kitchen/utility/sun lounge knock through
and new kitchen. He has missed two appointments now, though he did
apologise for the first one as he was in a car crash. We need to chase
him up again now. This is quite a daunting task, planning a new room.

We also need to make a proper room for the children as they'll not be
able to move out if they have nowhere appealing to go. And our hall,
stairs and landing are in need of decorating quite urgently. The veg
patch has been given up on. It's overgrown and weedy.

I feel like the basic things are barely getting done - putting clothes
away, cleaning the loo, changing the bed sheets, and we are in
survival mode, only able to think about the next meal and trying to
make sure we send birthday cards and presents on time. Our library
books are always late!
Every night after the children are asleep I flop exhausted onto the
sofa and try to think about the next thing that needs doing and Russ
spends a couple of hours in the kitchen and garden sorting things out.
I'm not sure what has happened to our life!

Right now I have a sore throat and ear ache and I could just sleep all
afternoon. But I'm making pancakes for lunch and then packing a bag
and getting on the bus to our local community allotment for home ed
group. We'll have fun, most definitely, but it's not what my body is
needing.

I get ideas of starting something for me - a course, a project, even
just reading a book - and then a day or so after realise I just can't
do it! There's no time. I have a pile of magazines even that sit
unread. Last night in the evening I went up to settle the children
four times in three hours!

We had dreams of a big family, but I can't even think about it now
until we sort some of these issues out. And that makes me sad. I am
embarassed to admit all this - that I can't run a home and look after
just two children properly! But I feel writing about where I am at,
and feeling some support, is the first step to things getting better.

There is lots I am grateful for of course. My children are wonderful.
A source of boundless joy. And I have a safe warm home. Our parents
have helped us out a lot financially, and have helped decorate our one
(almost) completed room! I have lovely friends.

I feel we need time and space to overcome this hump. It's such a shame
that we missed our holiday at The Mother Camp. Aside from camp in 2010
we have not had a holiday for a few years. We are going to attempt one
at the end of August. Not sure how restful it will be with two high
needs children who sleep badly away from home though. Oh well, they
are sleeping badly anyway! Can you see why I want us to hit the road
and escape?

We are also not eating very well because when you start the day aching
and you feel cold and tired by mid morning you don't really fancy a
salad for lunch. Phoebe is very particular about food so the same
staples get wearily churned out, and fairly often I have issues
cooking dinner because Ezra has decided he must be carried and I must
take him to see the chickens or neighbours cat right now. Or that milk
is needed now. We don't eat terribly by anyone's standards but we are
not where we need to be for our health and waistlines.

I really want to do more with the children. More projects, more fun,
more trips. We are all a little bored, much as we love our summer days
in the garden and seeing friends. But I don't know where to begin. I
feel right now I'm not doing a good job of nurturing our family,
despite my efforts.

I have to go now, but I would really love to hear how your families do
things. How do you make time for yourself? How do you keep energy
levels up? Any tips for me? Thank you x

Monday, 8 August 2011

Monday Morning

This is a picture I took this morning of my two cheeky pixies watching
our new lounge carpet being fitted. Chris, our fitter, had an audience
for the first half an hour, until the children from next door came out
to play!

Drawing in the car

We found these great usborne activity cards which are really good for
long journeys. :)

Pounce!

Bounce!

Wheeeee!

Helter Skelter

Ezra was braver than his sister (though shhh, don't mention it!) and
went down the helter skelter with Daddy.